Oxford Wins, 45-26.

Oxford faced a team that still did not have a name as of this writing, which makes a blog post difficult to put together. Calling them by their Zog code name of ZKSTB-5 or whatever just doesn't have the same punch. Oh, well--here goes.

Led by Fantasy Football star Taylor, the Commas built what appeared to be a safe lead by halftime. Jon B. picked off a pass and scored both a touchdown and a conversion. But after halftime, the defense allowed the team with the alien name back in the game; suddenly, it was 26-20. Brian whipped the defense back into shape while hypnotizing them with his flowing locks. The team responded with two big interceptions, putting up 19 points in less than three minutes. It was an offensive burst that culminated in a score from J.C. to Taylor, followed by a conversion for birthday girl Ash. (I should mention that this was the second week in a row that both quarterbacks threw touchdowns. Jane threw and caught one the week before--sorry for not putting that in the blog, Ms. B.!) Later, Chel had several receptions to keep the no-names' defense on the field. As a result, Oxford was able to run out the clock, ending the game at 45-26.

So, that makes us 2-0. At the request of Taylor, who scored more often than I could count, here is the Inspirational Clip of the Week (the full version is off to the right).

All of the highlights are from the bar this week.

The Commas show how they try to scare people.



Jon gets kicked off the team for claiming that the Commas wear "Honolulu blue."



How not to give a postgame speech. (This is actually from last week. Again, thanks, Taylor. Jackass.)

We're Back. You're Welcome.

Yes, you can end your hunger strike. The union was able to work out an equitable deal with the league, thereby saving the Zog season. And so, the intrepid Oxford Commas set off on their fifth season.

In the preseason game against the Honey Badgers (yeah, they're named after this), Oxford got off to a shaky start until Matt scored a touchdown to make it 20-6 at the half. The Commas offense finally got moving in the second period, when Dave managed to score three times. Meanwhile, the defense, led by Jon and Dan, forced a turnover and a safety. Oxford would eventually lose 38-29, but there were plenty of bright spots, namely some big catches by Ash and the contributions of rookies Jess (J.C.) and Jenny (J.D.).

In week 1 against a team called Go Deep (which I'm told is not a double entendre), Oxford moved the ball early and often, jumping out to an early lead thanks to touchdowns from Taylor and Max. Jane contributed as a backup QB, both scoring and throwing for scores before the day was over. Dave, Iain, and Brian pitched in with interceptions, Kari and Michelle make a couple of big defensive stops, and, for the second week in a row, everyone on the team had at least one reception. That's how effing dangerous we are, people. The Commas won handily 38-8, after which some Marines who fly the President saluted them for their bravery. No, really, I'm serious.

In honor of our Michigan players who have had a couple of good games (Kari, Dave, and Jon), and to support their team Detroit which is somehow 2-0 as of this writing, I'm posting this Inspirational Clip of the Week.

Enjoy our highlights:


The Honey Badgers score, despite J.D. taking one for the team.



Taylor nearly kills Max on the final play against Go Deep. Gonzo celebrates.

The Prodigal Footage Returns!

I had assumed that this footage was in someone else's possession until Taylor reminded me that Morgan filmed everything on MY camera instead of hers. So, in commemoration of Super Bowl Sunday, here is the footage from our last game.

First, a word about the team we were playing. Not only did they call themselves the Swedish Meatballs, but they also had a guy on their team sporting a half-beard, i.e. a beard covering only half of his face. So I thought we were going to roll right over them. But they did not make it easy in the first half. Dave managed to score an early touchdown, but was almost knocked out of the game due to an illegal move that could have threatened future little Daves (see video below). By halftime, we were only up 12-0; that's two scores, for you soccer fans.

But in the second half, we could do no wrong. Every pass was caught, every play worked out. The skies opened up. We each had the strength of ten men. Dogs and cats, living together, mass hysteria! When it was over, Oxford had scored an additional 36 unanswered points, with touchdowns for Jon, Brian, Elyse, Max, and Michelle. Kari, Jon, and Dave stepped in at quarterback to produce a couple of scoring drives. It was the most ruthlessly efficient performance that allowed the Commas to wrap up the season at 3-4.

So, we try again next season for the playoffs. With that in mind, here is the last Inspirational Football Clip of the year. FYI, training camp begins in July, and will be held at a remote island off the coast of Florida so that we can keep our focus. Be prepared to say goodbye to your wives and your sweethearts for about a month while we get back into football shape.

Here are the highlights:

Max and Dave ride a player out of bounds, prompting debate from everyone on the field and some yokels on the sidelines.



Dave and Elyse prevent a deep pass.



Matt catches a pass on the fullback play.



After his score, Dave discusses the sacrifice he made for the good of the team.



Max catches a pass over the middle.



Jon fakes out his defender and scores.



Taylor steals the ball back. Some great coaching from the sidelines: "AARGH! Get dat ball!"



Brian scores on a conversion.



Brian scoops up the ball on a rollout play.



Elyse rescues a broken play with a first down catch.



Brian scores after screaming for the ball like a little baby. Then he gets assaulted by the cameraman.



With Dave at QB, Ash makes the catch, takes the hit.



Elyse scores on a deep throw from Dave.

A Brutal Stretch Completed

Oxford emerged from the bye week at 2-2, hoping for a shot at the playoffs. But standing in their way were two teams that also needed wins. Yes, there are two posts blurred into one here. You get what you pay for.

The first team on the schedule called itself Cromartie's Kids, named after this unfortunate example of human hyper-procreation. I doubt they'll be getting child support. Anyway, Cromartie's Kids were sporting a spotless record, and they were not about to relinquish it. Oxford fell behind early, and could not get into the end zone until a second half touchdown by Brian. Later, Iain scored his first of the year on a broken play that was virtually identical to this play from last year. But by then--stop me if you've heard this before--it was too late. Cromartie's illegitmates walked off with the 44-19 victory. Oxford walked off with this:




The following week, the Commas faced their old nemesis Hot Little Hands. Of course, the word "nemesis" is a little strong, for it suggests that we've actually beaten them before this game. We haven't, and we needed to in order to stay alive. Unfortunately, HLH managed to jump out to a 20-0 lead by halftime. Oxford kept it close with some long drives and an interception by Brian, but a touchdown by HLH to end that half really drove a stake in their hearts. After the break, Brian scored two touchdowns, while Max, David, and Jon added some big catches. Michelle caught a ball that was mere inches out of the end zone, nullifying a score that would have put the Commas within striking distance. Despite a valiant effort by the defense to hold HLH to 8 points in the second period, Oxford still fell 28-12.

And so, once again, they will be playing for pride in Game 7. Luckily, team MVP Jon hosted a rum-and-cider/pumpkin pie party afterward to make everything better. Meanwhile, HLH drank overpriced Bud Light at the Bar from Hell to "celebrate." Ha.

I'm not sure how inspirational this clip of the week of the week will be, but it is appropriate, given the tough stretch we have endured. (I'm about three steps away from being this guy.)

Thanks to Christine for the highlights from Game 6:

A short pass to Brian:



Brian with another catch. "Is he in? Is he in?" Yes.



Michelle and Max box in the receiver:



Max breaks free for the reception. The initial fuzziness is indicative of how I see the field, by the way.



I feel like Christine cleaned this up a little, but Max ended up spread-eagled, pinning the man he was defending against the wall. His explanation is that he "slipped." Okay, Max.



Michelle, Kari, Matt, and Elyse make sure that the opposing quarterback's pass sails wide. Notice Michelle's patented "flapping" motion on defense:



Jon makes a diving catch:



Jon with another:



Max gets a short completion in the fading light:



And then on this one, he dances around. I haven't been able to do this since the Clinton administration:



Brian does his Randy Moss impersonation (without the crazy crap):

Shake It Off

Oxford faced one of its toughest opponents yet this week, the 3-0 Maulers. While the defense was up to the challenge, the offense still had some cobwebs to dust off. After falling behind 13-0, Oxford finally got on the board before halftime on a wild play that resulted in a touchdown for Jane. However, turnovers continued to stall promising drives in the second half, and a trick play that got bottled up in the end zone for a safety did not help matters, either. The defense, with big contributions from Jon, Brian, Gonzo, and Shawn, managed to hold off the Maulers at the one yard line three separate times. With the game still in reach, the Commas thought they scored a TD when Dave caught one over the middle; but the refs called it back, claiming that someone had tagged him. On the next play, Oxford's fearless leader channeled Rex Grossman and threw yet another bonehead interception that effectively ended the game. Dave would later score on a fade route in the corner of the end zone, but by then, it was too late. Some bright spots on offense included Max and Ashley, who recorded multiple receptions in traffic. Final score: 26-12. Oxford heads into the bye week at 2-2.

While trying to shake it off, have a look at this week's Inspirational Football Clip of the Week. (Start watching around 2:45 for the good stuff; sorry if I posted this one before, but I love it.)

Commas Roll, 52-14

Oxford faced a rematch with the newly named Girlz II Men, a team they played in the soggy preseason game. Despite being undermanned, G2M kept the game close with two early scores, one of which came on a long touchdown play that caught the Commas' defense off guard. Oxford's offense didn't fare much better, surrendering two turnovers. But later, two methodical drives ended in touchdowns, the second of which included a screen pass to Max followed by Taylor toeing the line for the conversion. Leading 16-14, the Commas went back on defense with less than a minute to go. G2M pushed their luck and sent a deep pass down the sideline that Max intercepted at midfield. On the next play, with the clock running to zero, Max scored again. What followed was a blizzard of points for the Commas. On the first play of the half, Taylor caught a touchdown on yet another amazing play designed by Iain--he tells me that he drew these up during his youth in Scotland, but I think he's lying. Max would go on to score three more times with increasingly acrobatic catches, while Gonzo would add three conversion receptions. Ash, Elyse, and Kari played every snap, each having a multiple-reception performance. By the time the smoke had cleared, the Commas had won 52-14.

In honor of Taylor's punt return, which I believe was the longest in the history of the team, take a look at the Inspirational Football Clip of the Week.

This week, the Commas face a 3-0 team with the alarmingly unironic nickname of the Maulers. Yikes. Stay tuned.

Here are some highlights of the defense, which regrouped after the first half to shut down G2M's attack completely:

Gonzo bats down a pass at the line of scrimmage:



The defense rattles G2M's quarterback so badly that he leaves the pocket too early, drawing a penalty flag.

Back in Business

Following a brutal loss to Jerkstore in Week 1, the Commas were looking for their first official win of the season against another yet-to-be-named team (they're still called ZS-BKFB 4, but they tell us that they'll eventually be called the Killer Bees because of their yellow jerseys). Unfortunately, Oxford fell behind early thanks to two turnovers on their first three plays. They took the lead when Dave scored on a short pass, earning the first TD of the young season for Oxford. But the Bees managed to get into the end zone again, making it 14-8 at the half.

Early in the second period, Gonzo was able to pressure the Bees' quarterback into throwing a duck that Jon "The Law" B. picked off for an easy score. The Commas then went on a tear, with rookie Max making a diving fourth-down touchdown catch, following it up with a two-point conversion. But the Bees would keep the game competitive thanks to a flukey touchdown play that left everyone on the field shaking their heads.

With only a minute to go, Oxford mounted a last drive from their own five yard line. Yeah, I know the fields are only fifty-something yards in this league, but just play along. Anyway, thanks to clutch catches by Jane and Kari, the Commas were able to eat up the clock and finally score with another diving TD grab by Max. Taylor would later seal the game by intercepting the Bees' final throw. Oxford was able to hang on for its first win, 26-20.

So the Commas are now at .500 with a rematch looming against Girlz II Men, whom they beat in the preseason. Hopefully, G2M was not hustling us by only playing their scrubs.

In other news, this week's Inspirational Football Clip of the Week is dedicated to a great player who just died this week. By the end of this season, I may end up resembling this man.

Here are the highlights (thanks, Dan).

The Commas work their way down the field, despite the team's best efforts to get penalized. Jane and Max make some big catches, all leading to Dave's score.



Coach Lombardi gets angry following the third Oxford turnover of the half:



Max makes two big catches to get us into the end zone. Meanwhile, Gonzo has some kind of weird banter going on with the ref:



And then Max decides to catch a two-pointer in traffic. (This was not an easy catch, btw.):



After receiving some pressure from Gonzo, the enemy QB tosses up a Hail Mary that is gobbled up by Taylor. Despite the protests from the sideline, he does the smart thing by kneeling at the one, allowing Oxford to run out the clock to end the game. For those of you who wanted him to keep going, I have only this to say. Anyway, here's the clip: