Pigs Fly! Hell Freezes Over! The Commas Go to the Championship!

The Commas decided to make the most of their first trip to the playoffs, steamrolling through two rounds of the three-game "Football Armageddon" to come within a few yards of beating the league's best team. It was an exhausting, inspiring day. Here are the details.

In the quarterfinals, Oxford played Andrew Gish's Robot Army, a team that was shorthanded when the Commas played them in the regular season. This time, the very game Robots--they of of the awesome sleeveless uniforms--put up a serious fight, and it took a pair of touchdowns by Taylor to keep them at bay in the first half. After the intermission, the Robots managed to pick off a pass and take out Jessica on a brutal hit (it was an accident). But the Commas maintained a two-touchdown lead throughout, eventually extending it to three scores. We don't have the official score, but it was around 30-14. With that efficient win, Oxford accomplished what it had set out to do.

The next game, held immediately afterward against #1 seed Bings, looked like it was going to be a bloodbath. Oxford got a break early when Jane picked off a pass on Bings' one-yard line. But it took eight rough plays for the Commas to finally score on an out pattern to Max. The Bings team--well rested after a bye--were taking no prisoners. Taylor left the game with a gashed leg, Jon sat with an injury, and Dave had to fight off a few errant elbows. But Oxford stuck to the game plan and just kept scoring, holding on to an 18-13 lead at halftime thanks to a deep touchdown reception for Michelle. After that, Oxford kept finding ways to get into the end zone. Max, Dave, Taylor, and Brian scored, with Ash adding a conversion somewhere in there, and Elyse providing a few big catches down the stretch. There was even a TD on a quarterback sneak for crying out loud. The defense, led by the Mad Dog Gonzo, kept Bings quiet for the rest of the game. Final score: 51-19. Unbelievable.

So, uh, that meant that Oxford had completed the improbable upset, and would be in the championship against Jerkstore. Yes, that Jerkstore, who had beaten the Honey Badgers in the previous round. Wait, what? That wasn't part of the script! The Commas were supposed to be at the bar by then! To quote Darth Vader: "I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further."

Not content with simply showing up, Oxford got off to a quick start thanks to a pass interference call on Taylor, which led to the Commas taking an early lead of 6-0. Jerkstore responded with a touchdown, then took advantage when Oxford failed to convert on fourth down deep in its own territory. The half ended with Jerkstore scoring again on a Hail Mary pass, leaving Oxford behind by 14. But the Commas did not quit. Dave and Taylor scored quick touchdowns, while Max, playing one of the best games in Commas history, muscled the ball away from Jerkstore over and over again. (The quote of the day, btw, was when I suggested that we punt, only to have Max scream, "No! We're going for it!" He then caught the ball for a first down.) Later, Jessica hit Brian over the middle to make it 34-26. The defense held on the next series, giving the Commas two minutes to tie the game. With a few quick passes to Jessica and Taylor, they made it to the five yard line with only seconds left. On the last play, a throw to Brian in the corner fell short, giving Jerkstore the victory. It was the end of a long, crazy ride. The Commas were completely spent, but satisfied with how far they had come. Jesus, I'm tired just writing this.

Well, I couldn't be prouder of our team. Thanks to everyone for making it a great season. More highlights to come this winter.

I couldn't resist using this as the Inspirational Football Clip of the Week. And, in case you ever feel like quitting at anything, or believing the odds, please watch this as well. There will be a quiz on the first day of winter league.

Highlights (thanks, Natalie):

In quarterfinals, the Commas complete the two-minute drill; despite Taylor's great play, the score is nullified because the refs say he stepped out of bounds:



Another long drive, but it ends with an interception:



In the championship game, Taylor scores a touchdown, and Max gets the conversion on a shovel pass.



A catch by Ash, followed by an amazing grab by Max on a pass intended for Jon:



Jessica zips through the defense:



Brian gets a shovel pass. Then Taylor tries to hang on to the ball in heavy traffic:



Jessica throws a touchdown to Brian:



Last play of the game: a pass to Brian falls short, giving Jerkstore the trophy:

Commas Complete First Winning Season

Before heading to the playoffs, Oxford had to exorcise the demons from last year's horrific loss to Jerkstore. Some of the Commas--I won't name names--are still in therapy following the 48-0 drubbing in 2010.

This time around, Oxford got off to a slow start thanks to some unfortunate turnovers, which, by the way, are never, ever, the quarterback's fault. But, at the end of the half, Oxford got on the board with a deep throw to Taylor, making the score 25-6. In the second half, Oxford continued to chip away at the lead, thanks to another touchdown for Taylor, followed by a circus-catch score for Elyse. The defense tried to hold on, but Jerkstore managed to get into the end zone again. A late touchdown by Brian was not enough, and Jerkstore was able to get the ball back and wind down the clock. Final score: Jerkstore 38, Oxford 24. But it's worth noting that Oxford outscored Jerkstore in the half, which kind of reminds me of this. ("You cut him! You hurt him! He's not a machine! He's a man!")

And if that doesn't get your blood boiling for the playoffs, here is your Inspirational Football Clip of the Week, one of the greatest plays of all time.


No highlights this week, but our intrepid fans Jessie and Rosie brought along Oxford Commas pennants. They'll soon be hearing from our lawyers regarding copyright infringement; we're just like the NFL that way.




Jenny and Jessie wave the Oxford flag.

Commas Win Big, Clinch Playoff Spot (Playoffs!?)

There was a time, in the dark days of 2008, when any discussion of the Commas making the playoffs provoked this kind of response:



But on Sunday, the Commas finally answered the call, delivering their most solid performance of the season in a 24-0 shutout of the Multiple Scoregasms, aka the people who stole your idea for a funny team name. Brian scored all four touchdowns (a team record?), at one point taking a quick handoff and sneaking around the entire Scoregasms defense for six. Dan had an interception after grabbing a pass that Matt deflected, which was nice, because we never throw to him on offense. Jon had another fine defensive performance, with some help from Elyse, Kari, Chel, and Ash. Jane and Jessica contributed some big plays on offense.

So, the season will live on for one more week, when Zog hosts what can only be described as Football Armageddon: a marathon playoff in which the champion must win three games back-to-back-to-back. Whoever came up with this system is either insane...or a genius.

Since we had some oddly cold weather for this game, with snow in the end zones, here is an Inspirational Football Clip of the Week from the 51st state. The snow is so pretty!

And, here are the Commas wrapping up the win; a smug Jessica is pleased.