Your Oxford Commas Are the Champions

We knew this day would come. Actually, no we didn't. Especially not this year, after starting 1-3, not being able to score to save our lives, and sinking to the bottom of the division. But, somehow the Commas rallied to take the whole thing--an event that the ancient Mayans surely predicted for 2012.

Unlike the Football-pocalypse from last season, this year's playoffs featured a semifinal and a final, with no teams earning a bye. First on the docket were the top-seeded Closers, whom the Commas had defeated in a bitterly cold Week 5 game. This time, the Closers arrived with reinforcements, including a new quarterback and a new-look defense. It was not until midway through the first half that Oxford was able to get a first down. Meanwhile, the Closers took a 6-0 lead, and appeared poised to turn the game into a massacre. (By that, I mean that they intercepted me. A lot.) But the defense held, thanks to timely interceptions by Will and Daniel. Eventually, Oxford tied it at 6 with a pass to the corner to Max, who once again showed fancy footwork by staying in bounds while cradling the ball. On the next series, Jessica found Jane in the end zone to give Oxford a tentative 12-6 lead. Then, with the Closers on Oxford's one yard line, Will picked off a pass and returned it all the way for a score. In the six seasons since Dayne founded the team, this has to be the most clutch play in the history of the Oxford Commas (look at it below...do it). The Commas would score twice more--including another for Jane--closing out the game and returning to the championship.

For the final, Oxford faced New Jack City, who had managed to defeat the Honey Badgers in round one, making them the favorites to win the division. New Jack had also beaten the Commas during the seemingly endless losing streak (which we will never mention again). Once again, Oxford got off to a slow start; two deep passes to Dan and Max that could have produced points instead ended up missing the target. The main highlight of the half was Jon's booming punt, which sent the ball over the fence and out of play for all eternity. But then, Oxford managed to tie the game on a busted play in which Mike made a great catch in the corner (highlight is below). Once again, the game was tied at 6 at halftime. But after the half, Oxford's offense finally came to life on a drive that ended with a score for Daniel. On the next series, a busted screen pass somehow led to a touchdown bomb for Ash. Meanwhile, the defense kept New Jack in check; Will had a few more interceptions, while Dan and Jon terrorized the opposing team's quarterbacks. (I mean, seriously: imagine those two running after you. Do it.) The offense continued to roll, with another score for Mike, and a quarterback sneak for a touchdown. By then, the game was decided. The lowest-seeded Commas could finally celebrate their accomplishment. Hell may not have frozen over, but winter has now been conquered--the Commas are the champs.

(Also, hats off to our opponents, who were very sportsmanlike. It should be mentioned that the Closers and New Jack are all teachers at the same Brooklyn high school, so they're all right in my book.)

So proud of my Commas today--thanks so much for a great season of sportsmanship, camaraderie, hustle, humor, and beer. (I'm told we also raised money for our charity, Housing Works.) I told everyone that I would have been proud even if we had been annihilated in round one, but this outcome is obviously much better. Because we were the lowest seed but still managed to win it all, I can't help but put up this Inspirational Football Clip of the Week. But for some really amazing stuff--performed by real professionals--please see the footage below.


Highlights from the semifinal:

Max catches a pass on the one yard line. (Jane would score on the next play on a pass from Jessica.)



Leia and Dan help to break up a pass.



Will saves the day with a pick-6, the greatest play in Commas history.



After Jane scores again, Daniel grabs the conversion.




Highlights from the Championship:

Mike enters your living room.



Max with another catch.



Will makes a catch, but then the Commas turn it over on a deep pass. Kevin the videographer sums it up: "Ooof."



Jon gets his first of several batted balls. Yeah, there's no other way to phrase that, I'm sorry.



Jenny catches a short pass, then a long throw to Mike is batted away.



After Max gets the first down, Mike scores on a busted play. A conversion attempt to Dan gets batted away, making it 6-6.



Jessica and Michael keep the ball moving in the second half.



A short pass to Daniel gives Oxford a 12-6 lead.



The two-headed monster attack of Dan and Jon leads to another sack:



...and another, this time on 4th down:



One for Ash, one for Max:



Michelle almost gets a score, but it gets knocked away. Supposedly because the QB didn't spot her until it was too late (that's Will growling, "She's ooooopen!"):



The defense sniffs out the screen pass, so we instead throw a deep touchdown for Ash, putting Oxford up 18-6.



We finally let Dan catch a pass:



Sorry, I have to put this in:



At long last, the Commas can celebrate: