Saturday, October 31, 2009

Win and You're In

This is not how things were planned at the beginning of the season. After their third loss in a row, the Commas now find themselves in a position in which they must win their last two games in order to qualify for the playoffs. For those of you who wanted drama, now you have it. (I didn't want drama, btw.)

About that loss: Oxford played the only unbeaten team in the division, a squad that calls itself "What!?" Things got off to a rough start as Oxford's offense was continually frustrated, unable to get into What's territory (I feel stupid writing that). Meanwhile, the bad guys were able to score three unanswered touchdowns. At the end of the half, Oxford mounted a drive that came to a halt on the one yard line, forcing them to go into the break down 18-0.

After the half, the Commas defense kept the team in the game, with two interceptions by Daniel, but the offense was undone by several uncharacteristic turnovers. A late touchdown to Elyse (her first of the season) and Gonzo were not enough to catch up. The game ended on a Hail Mary touchdown to Daniel, but the contest was already settled: 36-18.

So now, the Commas have to win against the Untouchables and the NYIT Bears in order to make it into the playoffs for the first time. This calls for the Inspirational Football Clip of the Week, a play that should remind everyone to ignore the voice in their head that says, "Hey, even if we lose, it was still a good season."

Here are the clips for the week. Thanks go to Gina, as usual. Sorry if this looks like the Daniel show, but the guy had a huge game. All of the videos are here.

Matt grabs a short pass.



Daniel across the middle.



Domenic catches one off of his knee.



Ash hangs on to a hard pass.



What scores on a big play.



Commas defense takes back the ball.



Dayne completes a pass to Robert.



Jon "The Law" B. doesn't care that he's wearing glasses.



Elyse almost gets an interception. The sideline goes wild.



The Daniel show continues with a great catch.



Close-up of Iain's catch.



Dayne scrambles and throws.



Big catch for Daniel.



Behold the dumbest interception of all time. (Luckily, the other one somehow didn't make it onto YouTube. No, I did not pay Gina to do that.)



A near interception for Ash and Gonzo.



Following an interception returned for a touchdown, Alex stops the conversion attempt with an interception. A word of warning: lower your volume. Gina goes crazy.



Daniel keeps the team alive with an interception.



At last we score, on a TD for Elyse. Yes, Gina. It is sexy.



Dayne with the defensive stop.



A long scramble followed by a catch for Elyse. Yes, Dayne, you were open. But I was distracted by the girl with short-shorts chasing me around. Sorry.



Gonzo scores, even though he doesn't seem to realize it. "Uh, no, he was in," Daniel insists.



Dayne hits Iain on a deep throw.



Even though the game is out of reach, Daniel invites everyone to a "party in the end zone."


Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Commas Defeated by Hot Little Hands, Cold Little Feet

Oxford had several obstacles to overcome before even stepping onto the field this week: miserable, unseasonable weather, a flu bug that decimated the team, and various wardrobe malfunctions (i.e. my "football" gloves are already worn down!). Oh, and they were also about to face one of the best teams in the league.

Hot Little Hands, the team with the impossibly fast quarterback, scored first, but Oxford answered with a touchdown by Kari. They would then take the lead with a difficult conversion catch by Iain. It would not last, however. When Hot Little Hands scored again, the Commas drove downfield, and for a moment it looked as if we had the makings of a shootout. But Oxford stalled on the one-yard line, and HLH continued to rack up the touchdowns. At one point, I either blacked out or curled into the fetal position and began sucking my thumb. Before the Commas knew it, they were down 28-8 at halftime. Oxford would put together a long drive for pride at the end of the game that culminated in a touchdown catch for Dayne, but the contest was over by that point. HLH won 40-14.

A few bright spots: Brian had another big game, with two interceptions. Meanwhile, Dayne almost single-handedly kept the big drive going in the second half.

So, we lick our wounds and press on. The only undefeated team in the league awaits. On that note, here is the Inspirational Football Clip of the Week, for those of you who believe in miracles.

Highlights are below:

The speedy QB for Hot Little Hands scores on a scramble.



Brian gets the interception.



Dayne keeps another drive alive.



A deep one to Jon is off-target.



Brian gets a quick pass.



Michelle catches a deep throw.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

NY VaGiants Outlast Commas in Seesaw Battle

The Oxford squad ran into their old foe with the dirty name again in a game that featured numerous lead changes and some crazy plays. You may recall this team from the Fall 2008 season, when the Commas pried from their star player an explanation about the origin of "VaGiants". We also played them in the preseason game this year, although we weren't sure what they were called at the time; apparently all team names go through a ZogSports censor, who must have been bribed once again.

As usual, Oxford started the game on defense, holding New York to a punt. From there, the offense was able to drive downfield and score on a wild touchdown for Alex. When New York tied the game on the next series, the Commas managed to answer with an interception by Jon followed by a deep touchdown pass to Daniel. Before the half, however, the VaGiants' star receiver (and spokesman, I guess) gave New York the lead, 15-14.

After stalled drives for both teams opened the second half, Oxford finally punched through with a fingertip touchdown catch by Michelle, giving the Commas the edge again at 20-15. There was a valiant effort by the defense, led by Brian at the safety position and bolstered by OUP mercenary Dominic. Still, the frighteningly accurate passing by the VaGiants' QB put the bad guys in the lead for good. Two last ditch efforts failed, including a desperation Hail Mary, and Oxford had its first (official) loss of the season, 29-20.

Undaunted, the Commas vowed to fight again in the playoffs. That would be--what exactly? A rubber match? That suggests we've beaten them once. "Third time's the charm"? Still doesn't work--a playoff game would in fact be the fourth meeting with the VaGiants. We promise to come up with an appropriate sports cliche when the time comes.

Now begins the toughest stretch of the season for Oxford, with games against several solid teams, including Hot Little Hands (a team we played last season) and two other top-ranked clubs. Tune in next week!

All of the videos are here. Thanks, Gina. You were especially giggly this week.

For those of you who thought you were too small to play football, please watch the Inspirational Football Clips of the week here and here.

Dayne with the catch and run:



Iain copies her.



Kari, however, decides to take a break after a tough catch.



A potential TD for Elyse is swatted away at the last second.



On a play the ref described as "pure comedy," Alex scores after a totally unnecessary scramble by Robert.



Alex follows up with the conversion. Oxford is up 8-0.



Jon gets his weekly batted pass. For every one, the United Way donates ten dollars to a hospital or something.



The defense holds. Iain shows us to always knock down the pass on fourth down, instead of going for the interception. You did mean to knock it down, right Iain?



Elyse defends a pass, and Alex comes up with the interception. Sure, he may have been on the sideline, but you're missing the point.



The VaGiants score a touchdown and then this conversion, both by the same troublesome receiver. The score is tied 8-8.



Jon gets an interception.



Oxford retakes the lead on a touchdown bomb to Daniel. They would miss the conversion, making it 14-8.



The VaGiants tie on this touchdown, and then retake the lead on the ensuing conversion, 15-14.



The half ends with a desperation pass that is intercepted by the VaGiants.



Catch and run by Daniel.



A bobbling catch by Dayne.



Iain puts the Commas within the five yard line.



Michelle scores on a fingertip catch.



A drive stalls when a pass to Gonzo is tipped and then intercepted.



"That was nice. She's on top of her game today."



VaGiants take the lead to make it 21-20.



Gonzo with the catch.



Dayne completes a pass to the "pretty boy."



The Commas desperately try to take the lead on this bomb, but it is not to be. Iain is still running laps for this one. Gina sounds like she's dying.



The VaGiants put the game out of reach with this touchdown, making it 29-20 with a minute left.



Ending things on a good note, here is a great shoestring catch by Daniel.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Commas Embark on Their First Winning Streak

Oxford faced a tougher challenge in week two, playing a team called Chubbs Peterson, named after this character from the movie Happy Gilmore. Despite the funny name, Chubbs put up a fight that forced the Commas to come from behind in order to escape with a win.

Oxford opened the game with a defensive stop. When they got the ball back, they quickly scored on a touchdown to Alex. Gonzo added a conversion to make it 8-0, but Chubbs answered on the next drive, closing to within two points. The Commas then staged a long drive that stalled at the one-inch line, and Chubbs capitalized to make it 12-8 at halftime.

In the second half, Oxford's offense came to life, scoring on a running play and then on a jailbreak desperation pass to Michelle. The defense clamped down, resisting two big drives into Oxford territory, thanks especially to big plays from Daniel, Kari, Matt, and Iain (although it should be mentioned that Iain had the ball practically handed to him at one point, but politely turned it down--see the highlight below). And, as always, the opposing quarterback will have nightmares about Jon's flailing arms. On the last play of the game, Brian recorded his second interception of the day to seal the win, 22-12.

So, we have officially entered Bizarro World, with Oxford at the top of the standings and riding the first winning streak in franchise history. A lot of work went into it; this was yet another game in which the women had to play the whole contest without a breather, so hats off to Elyse, Michelle, and Kari. Also, we have gone from three plays in our playbook to five(!), which has prompted occasional expressions of bewilderment. Dare we add a sixth play? Oh, god, my head is spinning.

This time, we have two Inspirational Football Clips of the Week. The first is dedicated to our defense, who have surrendered an average of six points a game so far. The second--well, if you don't know this one, shame on you. (A quick question: What does the quarterback do WRONG in this play? A hint: it's the thing I always say NEVER to do!)

Pictures are here. All of the videos are here. Gina, we salute you.

Matt defends a pass, almost comes up with the INT.



Brian says, "I'm open deep." Fine, Brian, we'll throw it to you.



A slow week for Alex: only one TD.



Gonzo keeps his cool on a busted play and scores the conversion. Oxford is up 8-0.



Chubbs answers with a TD, but fails to score the conversion. Oxford is still up 8-6.



Iain gets a reception to start a long drive for Oxford. Daniel: "That's exactly what's supposed to happen."



A deep one to Daniel just misses.



On a crucial fourth and midfield play, Brian makes the catch to keep the drive going.



Daniel takes a shot but holds onto the ball.



Kari completes a pass, but it is an inch short.



The Commas try to repeat a play from last week. Despite making a great catch, Alex lands out of bounds, and the drive ends.



Before halftime, Chubbs takes the lead to make the score 12-8.



After turning the ball over, Oxford steals it back on an interception by Brian.



QB sneak.



Daniel bails out the Commas with a tough catch and a first down.



Kari breaks free and gets a reception.



The Commas retake the lead on a QB keeper.



Gonzo scores another conversion on a tough catch between two giants. Oxford is up 16-12.



Brian makes a big first down reception in the red zone.



A little dancing followed by a touchdown for Michelle, putting the Commas up 22-12.



Chubbs mounts another drive, but Kari swats away a potential touchdown at the last second.



Daniel hunts down the fourth down pass to stop Chubbs from scoring.



The Commas try to eat up the clock with a short pass to Michelle.



After a big catch for Chubbs, the receiver hands the ball to Iain. He politely says, "No, thank you."



Brian ices the game with his second interception.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Turning the Tables on ZogLand

With the memory of many brutal defeats still fresh in their minds, the Commas opened Fall 2009 with a commanding win over one of the league's new teams, Johnny Utah's Heroes. Early in the game, Daniel scored on a routine crossing route, and Oxford never looked back. From there, the defense hassled the Heroes' quarterback into committing multiple turnovers, with pressure coming from both Jon"The Law" and Gonzo. (There were literally too many of those clips to show below.) As a result, Daniel had two interceptions, Brian had one, Kari had her first as a Comma, and Ash and Matt came really close to stealing one themselves. Oxford was well on its way to its first shutout ever.

Meanwhile, the offense scored every time they touched the ball. A possessed (and very sweaty) Alex led the way with three touchdowns and a conversion; among them was a great leaping catch at the back of the end zone. Dayne both threw a touchdown and caught a conversion, while Michelle got the first score of her Commas career.

The Heroes were a cool group of people--we hope they don't take their sweet time to win their first one like we did. As the newer teams come together, the games will get much tougher than this one.

If you're a football addict, you can watch virtually the entire game here. Photos are here. Thanks again, Gina.

Before we get to the choice highlights, have a look at The Inspirational Football Clip of the Week. There will be a quiz.

Daniel turns a quick pass into a score.



Brian catches the conversion, and his reward is a guy sitting on him.



Ash earns push-ups for herself by admitting she doesn't know a play. Meanwhile, Alex catches a screen pass.



Gonzo fights for extra yardage.



A scramble followed by Alex's first touchdown.



Daniel's first interception. Beware the flailing arms.



Get a load of this guy: Alex "intercepts" a ball intended for Ash. Even T.O. has never done that.



Then he backs into the end zone for a score.



Matt bats a pass away, but the receiver chases it down for the amazing catch.



I saw this all day long: Jon and Gonzo pursue the QB, then the linebackers (in this case Ash and Michelle) close on the ball.



Dayne catches one. Sideline gawkers agree: it's "Nice, nice."



Dayne: "Brian's open."
Robert: (trying to be cool like Captain Sully) "Hold on."



Dayne scores a conversion after Daniel's second touchdown.



Pressure from Jon leads to an interception for Brian.



Alex in your face! You could almost strip the ball from him!



Gonzo's turn to be in your face.



Michelle makes a leaping catch and holds on in traffic for the score.



Kari intercepts the ball.



Matt grabs a pass.



Dayne throws a touchdown to Alex.



Jon bats a pass away. I love this sh*t.



Kari passes to Brian. Brian says, "Thank you."

Monday, September 14, 2009

Commas Undefeated (Technically)

After a long off-season filled with contract squabbles, holdouts, questionable draft picks, and a dog-fighting ring (thanks, Ashley), the Commas regrouped with big expectations for their third season. For their opening scrimmage, they were pitted against a yet-to-be named team of Zog veterans, a squad that would have slaughtered the Commas back when they were just an expansion team. But Oxford held their opponents scoreless for the first few drives, until a couple of bobble-catch TDs put them behind 12-0. Before the half, Oxford put points on the board thanks to a score by Brian. But the team in black answered, making it 18-8.

After halftime, Oxford used the Wildcat offense to put more points on the board, with Jon "The Law" B. hitting Daniel for a long touchdown bomb. The two teams traded scores, but only the Commas could convert the two-pointer, which allowed them to close within 25-22. Later, Oxford was able to force a turnover the red zone, thanks to Elyse's relentless pass rush. But then, a phantom TD on a blown call (see below) allowed the unnamed team to pull ahead for good. Oxford scored again to close the game, but things were out of reach at that point. Final: 38-31.

Still, there are high hopes for Week 1, with Oxford looking to build on its performance in the drive for the playoffs.

What's that, Mr. Fat-Ass NFL Fan? You're stressed because your team signed a dog-killer? You're concerned that your pretty boy quarterback might hurt his knee again? You're worried that a punter might hit the jumbotron at your billion-dollar stadium? Bite me. This is where the real action is.

Photos are here.

And here are the highlights. Thanks, Gina.

Alex in the flat:



Commas denied:



Big play for The Team with No Name, but Iain saves a touchdown:



The bad guys score first:



Almost to Alex:



Good catch by Brian, but he's out of bounds:



Good defense by the Commas, but the ball gets tipped right into the receiver's hands for a score. A jogger is almost killed:



Brian scores:



Daniel catches the two-pointer, cutting the lead to 12-8.



Iain hustles, and almost comes up with the INT:



Big bomb from the bad guys:



Daniel scores after signaling that he's open by yelling, "Oh my god!"



And then he scores the two-pointer again. Commas are down 25-22.



Elyse puts on the pressure, while Jon gets the steal:



Michelle tackles the opposing player, but the call is for a TD anyway.



If that play had taken place in the early 90s, it would have been included in this video:

Gonzo takes the shot, holds on to the ball:



Kari completes a long pass to Daniel:

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Comma Drama in the Fight for the Playoffs

Yes, I realize that posting an update for winter football in May is a bit ridiculous. My excuses for procrastinating include a severe bout of the flu (which began during the final game), eye surgery, and basic laziness.

Here is the story: The Commas were above .500 for a brief time before tough losses to The Family and Sexy Coco put them at the edge of the playoff hunt. After some fuzzy math, we realized that a win in our last game, along with a loss by another team, would actually put Oxford into the post season.

With that in mind, Oxford jumped to an early 15-0 lead over Agent Orange in the first half, thanks to touchdowns by Brian and Jon; Daniel scored on the two-point conversion. The Commas defense had the Orange quarterback flustered. He was unable to see over the Jon's long reach, and Oxford may have set a record for the most passes batted down at the line of scrimmage.

In the second half, the Commas offense stalled in the rain. Orange was able to intercept a pass and score with a replacement QB. Later, Oxford was denied at the one-yard line, preventing them from adding to their lead. With about two minutes left, Agent Orange broke through again to make the score 15-14. Then they converted a two-pointer, putting Oxford in a tough spot.

In the closing minute, the Commas rallied for a long drive that required two first down conversions in order to stay alive. But, on fourth down, and with no time left, Agent Orange picked off a pass to seal the win.

As it turned out, the Commas would have been out of luck, anyway. The team that we needed to lose was facing the Heismen, a friendly but winless squad that showed up with only six players. I haven't checked the website, but I'm assuming that the game did not end well for them.

So, the season came to an end sooner than we wanted. I would like to thank everyone for braving the elements, hustling, having a sense of humor, drinking, bringing friends, organizing events around the league (like barbecues and Super Bowl parties), and drinking. Oh, did I say that already? Anyway, I would take an illegal pick for any of you.

Here are the highlights:

Brian scores the first touchdown.



Dayne completes a pass to Brian.



A fake handoff to Daniel almost makes it into the endzone.



Jon with the TD catch--or is he sliding into home?




Dayne catches a pass over the middle.




A pass to Alex barely misses.




Dayne throws to Robert, who is stopped just before the goal line.



Agent Orange picks off a deep throw to Daniel.



The final drive begins, but a deep pass to Brian falls short.


Daniel drives deep into Orange territory.



A fade pattern to Daniel almost scores the winning touchdown.




Dayne keeps the Commas alive with a short completion.



On fourth down, Robert tries to float a pass to Matt, but it is picked off.